Understanding Relational Trauma: How Childhood Impacts Our Adult Lives
Many of us unknowingly carry the emotional baggage of our past—whether it’s from our parents, teachers, siblings, bullies, or even toxic relationships. These early influences often shape the way we view ourselves and the world around us, long after childhood. Yet, it’s important to remember that we hold the power to rewrite our story and live a more empowered life.
As renowned therapist Marisa Peer, founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy® (RTT®), explains, “We learn what we live.” This means that much of what we experience as children becomes deeply embedded in our belief system. As children, we internalize the things that happen to us, often seeing ourselves as flawed or at fault when things go wrong. Because children lack the ability to view problems through an adult lens, they may mistakenly believe, “Something is wrong with me.”
According to Peer, children struggle to express their feelings and needs effectively, leaving them unable to resolve or clarify the confusion they experience in difficult situations. More often than not, they are left without a voice.
Learn how childhood beliefs shape your adult reality and what you can do to change them.
The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of Childhood Beliefs
As we grow into adolescence and adulthood, the biases we formed as children—known as self-confirming bias—begin to shape our reality. Peer reminds us that “the mind is wired to do what it thinks you want it to do.” For example, a child who is constantly criticized may come to believe they are not smart enough or good enough. These beliefs often carry into adulthood, manifesting in toxic relationships or situations that reinforce those negative self-perceptions.
For instance, as a teenager or adult, you may find yourself drawn to partners who are controlling or critical, reinforcing the belief that you’re not worthy of love or respect. Over time, this becomes your “truth”—a false narrative that you’re not good enough, and that this is simply who you are.
The Reality: No One is Perfect
It’s crucial to understand that no parent, caregiver, or teacher is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes—some more than others. Many people are unaware of the profound impact their words can have, especially on children. Critical remarks, when directed at a child, can influence their entire lifespan and the quality of their life.
A child who feels powerless in a difficult situation at home may grow up with the belief that they have no control over their own life. This sense of helplessness often follows them into adulthood, affecting their relationships, careers, and overall sense of well-being.
Tips for Parents and Caregivers
RTT® offers valuable insights for those raising children:
- Children don’t interpret things like adults: Always check in with your child to help them understand their feelings and experiences.
- Meet their needs for love, protection, and significance: Tell your child you love them regularly.
- Praise instead of criticize: Focus on small accomplishments and who they are as individuals to build their self-esteem.
- Value them: Be present, listen, and show them they are important.
- Avoid conflict in front of children: Arguments or violence can make children feel responsible for situations beyond their control.
- Teach them to protect themselves: Educate your children on how to stay safe from potential abuse or harm.
Healing from Childhood Trauma as an Adult
For adults who have experienced adversity in childhood, healing is possible. Here are some important steps:
- Acknowledge and express your feelings: Learn to identify and express your emotions.
- Seek professional help: Hypnotherapy can help uncover the root cause of issues and reframe harmful beliefs, leading to lasting change. Find out how our hypnotherapy services can guide you to reframe harmful beliefs and experience lasting change.
- Journal your emotions: Writing down your feelings can increase self-awareness.
- Challenge limiting beliefs: Become aware of the thoughts that hold you back and work to change them. Learn more about overcoming limiting beliefs and how to live an empowered life.
Living your own story, free from the limiting beliefs of your past, is the key to happiness, empowerment, and emotional freedom. Embracing your authentic self can lead to deeper compassion for others and a more fulfilling life.
Ready to take the next step? Schedule a consultation with one of our professional therapists today.